How Emotional Abuse Changes You and How You Can Heal

One of the most challenging phases of healing from emotional abuse is the initial recognition and admission that it is, in fact, present. I have heard so many women say, “It would have been so much clearer if it had been physically abusive,” and, if we’re being honest, it may be.

A physical punch is something that can’t be ignored. It’s easier to identify as a crossed boundary within us, and it’s clear to share with others to be validated and supported by friends and family.

Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse can be far more difficult to name. It likely didn’t appear overnight in the form it takes now. It probably started with passive aggression — a criticism here, a subtle undermining there — leaving you doubting yourself and your abilities. Over time, that slow and steady crescendo builds, with progressively more gaslighting, confusion, disrespect, blaming, and shaming.

If this sounds familiar, know that not only is healing possible, but with the right support and education, you can disentangle yourself from this toxic dynamic and rebuild yourself with a sovereignty that allows you to clearly know who you are, how valuable you are, what you deserve, and what you will and will not tolerate moving forward.

Healing is not only possible — it is within your reach, and it starts by reclaiming the belief that you matter. You are not responsible for anyone else’s behaviour, and you have the power to choose you.

1. How emotional abuse changes you

Emotional abuse involves a pattern of behaviour designed to control, manipulate, or belittle someone. It can be extremely isolating and often leaves you questioning your own reality. Over time, emotional abuse can shape how you view yourself and others, making you feel:

• Disconnected from your emotions: Being told you’re “Too sensitive” or “overreacting” can make you doubt your own feelings. You may suppress your emotions to avoid criticism or conflict, which can lead to a disconnect between your mind and body.
• A diminished sense of self-worth: Constant criticism or demeaning behaviour can leave you feeling worthless or inadequate. You may internalize these messages and start believing you don’t deserve better, which can lower your self-esteem.
• Chronic self-doubt: Gaslighting — when your reality is twisted to make you question your perceptions — is a common tactic in emotional abuse. Over time, you may lose confidence in your ability to trust your own thoughts and feelings.
• Hypervigilance and anxiety: Emotional abuse can make you constantly anticipate criticism or rejection. You might find yourself walking on eggshells, second-guessing every word or action, and experiencing heightened levels of anxiety or fear.
• Difficulty trusting others: The emotional wounds from abuse can make it hard to trust people, even those who genuinely care about you. You may feel disconnected or detached, unsure who to trust or whether your needs will be met.

These emotional shifts may not be immediate, but over time, the toll of emotional abuse can profoundly change how you interact with the world and yourself.

(Also read: Am I being gaslit by my partner?)

2. How you can heal from emotional abuse

While emotional abuse can leave lasting effects, it does not define who you are or what you’re capable of. Healing is a journey that can help you reclaim your peace, joy, and inner wisdom. Here’s how you can start the healing process:

• Acknowledge the pain: Healing begins by accepting that what you’ve experienced is real. Give yourself permission to feel the pain, confusion, and loss. It’s okay to grieve what you’ve been through. Recognising your trauma is a powerful first step.
• Rebuild your sense of self-worth: Start by reconnecting with the parts of you that were lost or hidden during the abuse. Reflect on your strengths, values, and passions. You are worthy of love, respect, and kindness, and rediscovering this truth is essential for healing.
• Reconnect with your emotions: Your feelings are valid, and your emotional responses matter. Practice identifying and naming your emotions, whether through journaling, mindfulness, or talking with someone you trust. Rebuilding your emotional connection to yourself will help you move through the healing process.
• Establish healthy boundaries: One of the most important aspects of healing from emotional abuse is learning how to set boundaries. This allows you to protect your emotional well-being and regain control over your life. Start small by setting clear boundaries in your relationships and honouring them. (Also read: Emotional boundaries made simple)
• Seek support: Healing from emotional abuse is not something you have to do alone. Seek out therapy, support groups, or trusted friends who can help guide you through the process. Surround yourself with people who validate your experience and support your healing.
• Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself is essential to rebuilding your strength and resilience. Engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. Whether it’s taking a walk in nature, meditating, or simply resting, make self-care a priority.

3. Moving forward after emotional abuse

Healing from emotional abuse is not linear, and there will be good days and bad days. However, with time and dedication, you will begin to rebuild your sense of self, your confidence, and your trust in yourself to discern for who is healthy to be allowed into your life. You will regain the power to live the life you desire — one that is full of healthy relationships, personal fulfillment, and joy.

The most important thing to remember is that you are not defined by what you’ve been through. You are strong, resilient, and capable of creating a life where you feel safe, loved, and valued. Emotional abuse may have changed you, but it does not have to dictate your future. You have the power to heal, and with the right tools and support, you can step into the next chapter of your life with strength and grace.

Are you ready to take the first step?

If this resonates with you and you’re ready to begin your healing journey, know that you don’t have to navigate this path alone. As a PACFA Registered Psychotherapist who has supported many women through similar struggles, I understand the subtle shifts emotional abuse causes — the feelings that are hard to name, the doubts that seem never-ending. I’ve seen the transformation that’s possible, and I am here to help guide you toward the clarity, confidence, and peace that you deserve.

I offer a free 15-minute call where we can explore how I can support you in this next chapter of healing and growth.

Individual therapy sessions are available online, so no matter where you are, help is within reach.

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