I went to five therapists in Sydney – and none of them understood Narcissism

It takes a long time to build up to admitting there’s a problem – let alone taking it into a room with someone you’ve never met.

But by the time I was ready to speak to a therapist, I remember feeling hope. Maybe someone would finally understand my truth. I believed they would be able to help make sense of what I couldn’t name yet — offer clarity, guidance, even a way forward.

It felt like I was reaching a hand out of the confusing grey I was living in, hoping someone could catch it and help me see more clearly.

That first therapist listened quietly. I told her about my experience as I understood it at the time — which was long before I had even heard the term “gaslighting” or had explored the idea of emotional manipulation.

She nodded thoughtfully, then suggested that maybe I just needed to communicate better.

That perhaps I was being too sensitive. That if I could be more patient, more loving, or more forgiving, it might all get better.

On reflection, I can see now that she was totally under-resourced and out of her depth. She didn’t have a frame of reference from her own lived experience, and she didn’t understand Narcissism — or the red flags to listen out for in a story like mine.

Truly understanding how Narcissism takes shape

When you understand that victims of narcissistic abuse have been made to doubt their own reality, it becomes clear just how dangerous it is for a therapist to reinforce that confusion — to call their experience even further into question. It would be some time before I built up to trying again.

But I did and over the next two years, I saw four more therapists. Each time I brought my confusion, hoping for clarity. And each time, I left with the same gnawing sense that maybe it really was all my fault.

The last one was probably the most disappointing of all. By then, I had begun to secretly record conversations in my marriage and write down what was being said at home. I felt deeply ashamed — convinced I would take this secret to the grave — but I was so gaslit by then I was desperately trying to figure out what was actually happening.

In a couples session, I mentioned that I had a list of things I’d recorded and asked if I could read some of it aloud, with my then husband present. The therapist paused, then told me to put the list away. He suggested I stop taking notes, “wipe the slate clean,” and simply start again from today.

I can tell you this: if you’re taking notes or recording things to prove to yourself that they happened — that’s not you being paranoid. That’s a survival response. It’s a clear indicator of emotional abuse. You’re trying to protect your own memory from being rewritten.

Just last week, a client placed her phone on the table in my clinic and asked to record our session. I immediately said yes, of course — because I know how valuable it can be to listen again later. But on a deeper level, I understood exactly what was happening. Her nervous system was looking for secure footing — something stable, something that wouldn’t shift. None of those therapists I saw named what was happening. None of them saw it for what it was: Narcissistic abuse.

Narcissistic abuse is often covert

It’s not always bruises or screaming fights. It’s a slow erosion. It’s confusion. It’s love being weaponised. And unless you’ve walked that road, or studied it deeply, it’s easy to miss.

Eventually, I found the right support. It was life-changing. I became a psychotherapist because I wanted to offer the kind of care I couldn’t find when I needed it most. Today, I specialise in helping women who are healing from narcissistic abuse, emotional trauma, and burnout.

And I get it — truly. Not just the theory, but the lived experience of what it feels like to have your sense of self unravel.

If you’re a woman in Sydney looking for a therapist who genuinely understands narcissistic abuse, you deserve support that meets you where you are — without minimising your experience.

You can learn more about how I work here – Healing form Narcissistic Abuse for Sydney clients, or get in touch with me today to start the conversation.

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